Time to meet our next local author with an inspiring book! Pamela Ferdinand is an award-winning journalist from the Chicago area who's written for the Boston Globe, Miami Herald and Washington Post. This month, her first book was published. It's co-authored with two of her friends from the Boston area, Beth Jones and Carey Goldberg. The book is called Three Wishes: Our Story of Good Friends, Crushing Heartbreak, and Astonishing Luck on Our Way to Love and Motherhood.
In the book, the three women detail their quest for motherhood. In their late 30's, they each had successful careers but knew they wanted families too. One problem, the didn't have men. They each decided separately to try and become mothers on their own. Carey bought sperm and was prepared to be a single mother. But shortly after making that decision, she met a man and had a child with him instead. Beth then took the sperm from Carey with the same intentions of becoming a Mom. But then Beth met a man and he became the father of her child. Next, Pamela decided to take the sperm so she could become a mother. But as luck would have it, she met a man-- and yes, had a child with him! Lucky sperm, huh;)
(Starting from left: Carey Goldberg, Pamela Ferdinand & Beth Jones)
Three Wishes is the true story of all the hardships and surprises these three women encountered while trying to become mothers. It's a fabulous read, especially for women in their late 30's or early 40's who want to have children but are worried about the risks. The authors give truthful accounts of all the ups and downs.
I spoke with our local author, Pamela Ferdinand, on the phone this week about the book. Here are excerpts from our conversation:
INSPIREme: You, Beth and Carey have a very strong bond and an inspiring story. What made you want to write a book and share that story?
FERDINAD: A couple things. I think part of it was that every time we told someone the story, they said, 'You have to write about that'! So that kind of got the wheels spinning. I think one of the other reasons is that there’s so much doom and gloom news out there for single women and older women that want to be mothers. We felt a lot of the bad news is myth and we could offer a counter myth.
Lastly, we felt like we represented women coming from different experiences, but kind of shared the universal experience of realizing your life plan may not have played out the way you intended. It can be important to think about what you truly want and commit to making that happen. You might not get precisely what you want, but just taking time to figure things out and take action, rather than just wishing for something, can be really powerful.
INSPIREme: As far as writing the book, you each wrote your own chapters. How did you all work together to ensure the book made sense?
FERDINAND: It was pretty easy because we’re all writers and we set deadlines for ourselves. We knew it would be too confusing to write a single story and we also wanted the opportunity to tell our stories the way we wanted to tell them. So it was pretty straight forward-- we’d email and edit each other back and forth. We went away together a couple times to have blocks of time to write and talk about things, especially scenes where we were together and had to remember the conversations we had.
INSPIREme: You talk about some very personal topics in the book, including a miscarriage and dating a married man. Was it hard to go inside and write about those times in your life? Or did you find in somewhat therapeutic?
FERDINAND: It was really hard. I wouldn’t say it was therapeutic because I really didn’t want to have to relive it all again. We each cried and had a hard time when we were writing about certain periods. But we're all journalists and we feel like the truth is fundamentally important. I think people have good radar when they feel something isn’t truthful or is superficial, so for us to tell the full stories in the way we wanted to, we had to be very honest and dig deep.
INSPIREme: Personally, you went through many changes during the process of wanting a baby. It started by considering a sperm donor, then considering your friend's sperm, then meeting the man you wanted to spend your life with and having a baby with him. How did the final outcome compare to what you originally expected?
FERDINAND: Falling in love and having a child naturally with the man I think is my soul mate (as yucky as some people think that term may be) is definitely more than I had bargained for. I was fully prepared to be a single mother. I thought maybe there would be love down the line, but didn’t expect it to be around the corner. I now know how difficult and joyful motherhood is and how much easier it is having a loving partner to do it with.
INSPIREme: Having someone else to wake up in the middle of the night once in awhile!
FERDINAND: Exactly! To have that happen was definitely more than I expected! But it's not a totally saccharin story. Because they were all men who weren’t sure they were ready to have children. So it wasn’t like the prince came riding in on the horse and said here we go. We had a lot of romantic ups and downs before we got to the place where everything was more settled.
INSPIREme: So how is motherhood? And being a mother later in life?
FERDINAND: It’s great! It’s exhausting. But I feel like I lived a pretty full life, so I'm getting this whole other adventure at a point in life when I didn’t expect it. So the downside is kind of the energy and wondering how long I'm going to be around for her. The upside is that it came at a time I was ready for it. It’s just this kind of unexpected joy and it really keeps me on my toes.
INSPIREme: I’m sure there will be a lot of women reading this book who are in their late 30's early 40's who may also be considering wanting a child. What do you want them to take away from this book?
FERDINAND: A couple things. One is that life isn’t linear and happy endings aren't necessarily tidy. Also, it's really important to get together with family and friends if you can. That support can be really powerful. And, that there’s magic in the moment when you figure out what you really want and you commit to go for it. We’re pretty ordinary women who wanted conventional love. We just happened to find it in unconventional ways.
You can find more about the book "Three Wishes" here!
Find it online at Amazon, Borders or Barnes & Noble
**MEET THE AUTHORS THIS WEEK**
Wednesday, April 28: The Book Stall at Chestnut Court in Winnetka, IL
Book Reading from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m.
Wednesday, April 28: Union Pizzeria in Evanston, IL
Author Meet & Greet at 9 p.m.
Thursday, April 29: Barbara's Bookstore in Oak Park, IL
Book Reading from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m.
Saturday, May 1: Evanston Public Library
Book Reading from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m.
A Chicago art gallery is currently highlighting an artists tiny work. Willard Wigan is a micro-sculptor from the UK who uses needles and a microscope to create his pieces of art.
